


A Poem A Day (2021)

by Clankit



Series: Poem a Day [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Multi, Poetry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:40:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 68
Words: 4,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28494018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clankit/pseuds/Clankit
Summary: A poem every day for the year of 2021. Additional warnings in the endnotes of each chapter. Round two, everyone!
Series: Poem a Day [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2087202
Comments: 39
Kudos: 7





	1. 2021

**Author's Note:**

> Posted on 1/1/2021. Happy New Year, everyone! I'm doing this again because, well, I wanted to put something down on paper (er, text file) even if it's only a few lines a day.

Standing on the precipice of the unknown  
is not an uncommon feeling  
nor an uncomfortable one  
but still  
my brain insists on the formality  
of thinking itself silly.

I suppose  
after the turmoil of the year before  
I can be glad not to be a sniveling mess  
and just have the usual stew of anxieties.

Welcome, new year.  
Come in, come in!  
Hopefully  
you'll be better than the old one.


	2. In, out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 1/2/2021. No additional warnings apply.

Breathe.   
In, out.  
In, out.  
That's it. You're doing great.  
In, out.  
In, out.  
Keep going, you're almost there.  
In, out.  
In, out.  
Are you feeling better? Do you need some tea?  
I know it can be challenging to breathe sometimes  
so it's totally normal  
to need to practice.


	3. let's hope you hire a good detective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 1/3/2021. No additional warnings.

A half-drunk bottle of wine  
two smashed glasses  
and several burnt out candles.

A torn up letter  
wilting roses  
and a dented ring.

A note scribbled in haste  
an empty bade, unmade  
and a door left open in a rush.

Crime scenes of the heart  
take many forms  
but only some  
can be solved.


	4. Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 1/4/2021. (Technically not, but in my defense I did write this yesterday, I just forgot to post it, so I'm allowing myself to backdate). No additional warnings.

Hope isn't always pretty.  
Sometimes it's an ugly, squalid little thing,  
dirtying up your living room carpet  
and sitting on your couch  
when it knows it's not supposed to.

Hope isn't always nice.  
Sometimes it's mean, downright hurtful,  
hurling out insults like prayers  
and hope always knows the best places to aim them  
and where you're hard  
and where you're soft.

Hope isn't always helpful.  
Sometimes it's its cousin, false hope,  
and it just leads you deeper down the rabbit hole  
promising wealth and pleasantries  
so that you're in pretty deep  
when it disappears for good.

Hope isn't always nice.  
Sometimes,  
it  
really  
really  
hurts.


	5. if you, if I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 1/5/2021. No additional warnings.

I would be honored   
if you would let me hold your hand  
and tell you everything is okay  
and brush my thumb over your wrist  
to try to give you comfort.

I would be honored  
if you let me touch your arm  
as we walk down the street  
your smile lighting up the world  
as rain pours down around us.

I would be worthy  
if you cradled my face in your palms  
and kissed away my tears  
insisting  
that I let you love me.


	6. may you live in interesting times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 1/6/2021. No additional warnings.

how many occasions  
must I beg  
not to live in interesting times.

I cannot turn off the news  
nor can I turn it on  
an endless cycle of information.

one second, one minute, one hour, one day, one week, one month, one year  
slips seamlessly into the next  
with little thought of change.

soon, I will rest  
and when I wake  
nothing will have changed  
and everything will be different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note to anyone visiting this is in the future: today, Trump supporters stormed the senate floor.


	7. VR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 1/7/2021. No additional warnings.

I don't think it would be so bad  
to live in virtual reality.  
I mean, what does  
reality have going for it?  
at least in a virtual one  
I can look how I want  
dress how I want  
and do what I like.


	8. premonition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 1/8/2021. No additional warnings.

if I knew beforehand  
that meeting you  
would ruin everyone else for me  
I would have run to your doorstep.


	9. listen to it pulsing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 1/9/2021. No additional warnings.

The city breathes in time with its people.  
The rising steam from outdoor vendors,  
the patter of feet across grates,  
the squeal of cars on wet roads.

The city lives in time with its people.  
Babies crying at night,  
lovers finding themselves in each other,  
the dying cry of heart rate monitors.

The city dies in time with its people.  
The panicked fleeing to suburbs,  
the loss of funding and fortunate,   
everyone struggling to get by.

The city. It cares for its people.  
It's people.


	10. won't you stay for tea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 1/10/2021. No additional warnings.

Even if I never see you again,  
even if I never hear your voice,  
even if I feel your touch,  
you will still be in my thoughts.

That will be enough pain already,  
so please,  
do not leave any earlier than necessary.


	11. the thing about life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 1/11/2021. No additional warnings.

when you start climbing the mountain  
it's hard.  
your legs shake with effort  
and sweat pours from your brow.  
and still you climb.

over time, it gets easier.  
your legs get stronger,  
your eyes adjust to the burning sun,  
your arms pumping with determination.  
and still you climb.

the thing is,   
there's clouds obscuring the view.  
you can't see the top,  
and can only rest at little ledges,  
your feet dangling off the edges.

still you climb.   
eventually, you'll reach the top.   
only problem then  
is how you'll get back down.


	12. keep on keeping on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 1/12/2021. No additional warnings.

it hurts  
to breathe.  
it hearts  
to sing.  
it hearts  
to cry.  
but living depends  
on all these things  
so you better  
keep on doing them.


	13. moving as a pride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 1/13/2021. Additional warnings at the end.

The crowd gathers in the street  
obscuring the body from passers-by.  
Another one of them died last night.  
From what, they do not know  
but they will not allow them to be shunned  
so they pick up the corpse  
and, moving as a pride,  
take it for burial. 

Later, it is revealed to be a sickness  
not of the body, but of the heart  
that caused their poor friend to poison themself  
and stumble out to die in the street.

Everyone comforts each other  
knowing that as they pass on  
future children will come to join the same collection  
and they must be protected  
from both sickness of body and heart  
and be raised to shield bodies in the street  
to keep them from being shunned.

One day, unbeknownst to the community,   
they will not have to hide in bars and dark alleyways  
they will not have to hide bodies in the streets  
in fact, they will even be able to celebrate in them  
altogether, as one,  
moving as a pride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for mention of someone committing suicide by poison. 
> 
> Just thinking about "pride" being in reference to a group of lions and also sexuality and gender. Might revisit this concept again in the future if I have more time.


	14. writhing motions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 1/14/2021. No additional warnings.

Under my skin  
you crawled  
deeper and deeper  
and by the time  
I finally dug you out  
I didn't want you to leave.


	15. in-between

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 1/15/2021. No additional warnings.

We stood so long  
in that blind spot  
between lovers and friends  
that we would could finally see  
neither of us knew which side of the line we were on  
much less which side we wanted to be.


	16. leaving home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 1/16/2021. No additional warnings

The trees whisper  
steady as stones  
waving like bamboo  
reaching for the sun.

Something here is necessary  
for humans to live  
the feeling on wind on our skin  
and a quiet hum of life.

If we ever leave for the stars  
I wonder if our descendants will be called back  
to lift their eyes to the sky  
and put their feet in the dirt.


	17. by the river side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 1/17/2021. No additional warnings

She sits at the river side and   
hums as she   
dips her hands in the cold water  
letting herself   
be made again.

The mud is cool   
beneath her palms  
the water caressing   
so she kneels on the ground  
and carefully dips her face in.

She lets herself  
be in the river  
in the bubbles  
in the cold  
before she is forced  
to come back up for air  
and soon, back up   
to reality.


	18. spicy chips

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 1/18/2021. No additional warnings

when I eat  
spicy chips  
I tilt my head back  
to pour in the crumbs  
and I close my eyes  
to keep them from burning  
if any escapes.

when I kiss you  
I need to close my eyes  
because if I keep them open  
I'm afraid   
I'll burn.


	19. together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 1/19/2021. Additional warnings at the end.

we were both young and  
we wanted to know what it was to fly  
but we were too scared  
so we climbed down from the roof  
and talked until the sun went up.

later, when we were teenagers  
you would admit that  
you knew jumping off of roofs was dangerous even then  
but  
you wanted to impress me.

when you came into our dorm room drunk  
and practically incoherent  
all I could wish  
was that you would've called me  
to made sure you got home safe.

as we sat in our apartment of five years  
I admitted  
that I didn't think I was in love you  
but   
I was pretty sure  
I couldn't feel the same way about anyone else.  
I was so happy  
you were confused  
in just the same way.

now, as we sit in on our front porch   
lemonade glasses in hand  
two dogs resting at our feet  
I am glad  
that even if we're not  
"in love"  
we are  
together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for kids being stupid to the point of possible bodily harm and mentions of alcohol consumption.


	20. unrecognizable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 1/20/2021. No additional warnings apply.

I see myself in the window  
and I do not know who it is.

I brush my teeth in the morning  
while looking at a stranger.

I catch a glimpse in a puddle  
and feel like I have been caught staring. 

When did I become  
unrecognizable  
to even myself?


	21. wonder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 1/21/2021. No additional warnings apply.

wonder  
how long   
it will take  
for you   
to notice  
I'm gone.

wonder  
how far  
I'll go  
without you  
holding me back.

wonder  
how soon  
I'll stop  
wondering  
about you.


	22. Stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 1/22/2021. No additional warnings apply.

Stop.  
Don't move an inch.  
Yeah, you.

What do you think you're doing?  
Really?  
You're trying to pull that crap here?  
Of all places?

Look, if you're gonna hurl insults,  
do it outside of your head  
and definitely not at yourself.

Not smart to try to be mean to yourself  
in front of a brain-cop.  
Yeah, keep walking,  
and stop self-deprecating.

Punk.


	23. It's not enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 1/23/2021. No additional warnings apply.

It's not enough.  
Seeing you through a screen  
is liking seeing a lightbulb  
and calling it the sun.

Trying to touch you   
is like touching a cactus.  
Useless,  
and you just end up hurting yourself.

I wish we were closer.  
I wish we were safe.  
If wishes were pennies,  
well,  
I could fly to you  
on a first class plane  
and pay off both our tuitions.

It's not enough,  
but we're okay.  
We just  
have to wait.


	24. stain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 1/24/2021. No additional warnings apply.

There is a tea stain  
on my pants.  
I rubbed and scrubbed,  
and use my best soap,  
but it's still there.

It's unfair.  
Tea is basically water.  
These are my best pants.  
I put stain remover on it right away.  
But the stain  
is still there.

Well.   
I guess I'll have to go on.  
Sometimes your pants get stained,  
with tea,  
and even if you do your best,  
the stain is still there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I stained my pants :(


	25. Disservice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 1/25/2021. No additional warnings apply.

Sit down at humanity's fire  
and it will tell you a tale  
full of hope of wonder  
full of deceit and evil  
full of miracles and tragedy  
and it will take a long time—

but eventually,  
it will stop,  
and look at the smoke,  
curling into the night sky,  
and talk of the starts  
it always wished to touch  
but never could reach.

Regardless,  
this is not a sad tale  
even if it has many sad things.  
It is not a happy tale  
even if people try to make it one.  
It simply  
is.

To tell the story of humanity   
as anything but  
does it a disservice.


	26. here kitty kitty kitty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 1/26/2021. No additional warnings apply.

"Pspspsps,"  
I said,  
but you did not come closer  
and instead  
hissed  
like I was trying to hurt you.


	27. a moment of calm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 1/27/2021. No additional warnings apply.

gently  
for just a moment  
my head in your lap  
your fingers softly combing my hair  
a hummed song you weren't even aware of  
we watched the world slip away.

a life   
is made worth living  
through moments like this.

I hope   
we have another soon.


	28. fast-approaching

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 1/28/2021. No additional warnings apply.

Quiet.  
You hear that?  
It's coming.  
Peace, on the horizon.  
How will we ever stand it?


	29. homecoming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 1/29/2021. No additional warnings apply.

You hugged me yesterday, and it wasn't like coming home. It was like finding out that I'd never been there, that the one true place for me would always be between your arms. It was like touching God. Terrifying, and electrifying, and I couldn't wait to do it again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been thinking recently about those poems which seem to be just one long stanza with concrete sentences! Not sure how much this counts as poetry, but whatever.


	30. hangnail

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 1/30/2021. Additional warnings at the end.

So often,  
I pick,  
and pick,  
and pick at my body  
until  
it's infected.

Why do I insist  
on hurting myself?  
Why can't I  
just stop? 

I've used up  
so many band-aids  
I could give a clinic  
a run for its money.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of "hurting" yourself, but nothing like cutting or particularly destructive behavior.


	31. love from tragedy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 1/31/2021. No additional warnings.

Because of 9/11,  
many planes had to land  
on the little island  
known as Newfoundland.

Because of this,  
a man and a woman  
met  
and fell in love.

How wonderful,  
how terrible,  
that love  
came from a tragedy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of my favorite musicals is "Come From Away," which is all about planes landing in Newfoundland because of 9/11. [Here](https://www.theatermania.com/broadway/news/nick-and-diane-marsons-come-from-away-love-story_83995.html) is an article about Nick and Diane, the couple.


	32. who cares about worthiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 2/1/2021. No additional warnings.

I've sat by the side of fallen victors and ate bread with reformed criminals, I've sung with broken people and cried with dying saints, I've loved people who hurt me and I've pushed away ones who want to help me. What makes you think you are unworthy to hold my hand? Am I unworthy of love because I've done bad things, talked to bad people, wanted to hurt someone? No? Then there is no way you are unworthy to let me take your hand and grasp it in mine. There is no way you are unworthy of my lips on your temple and my body kneeled in worship. There is no way you are unworthy of being loved.


	33. i want to shiver

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 2/2/2021. No additional warnings.

your skin  
as cold as ice  
but I always liked  
the cold


	34. You are safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 2/3/2021. No additional warnings.

Hush,  
little one.  
You are  
safe here.

No humans  
will ever find this place  
and you can rest  
for as long as you need.

I know,   
they're scary,   
and ruthless,  
and evil,  
but you are safe.

You are safe.


	35. renaissance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 2/4/2021. Additional warnings in the endnotes.

He looked at me with  
fervor in his eyes and  
fists clenched in rage  
as we sat  
drenched in moonlight  
waves lapping against the shore  
like a heart beating.

I was sorry  
that I could not  
be who he wanted  
or what he deserved  
and so  
I touched him  
gently  
and pushed him  
away  
and told him  
it was for  
the best  
that I would die young  
forgotten  
in a ditch  
or in a empty warehouse  
or wherever   
God struck me down.

He did not listen   
but instead  
stood up  
and pulled me towards the ocean  
and pushed me under  
and forced   
a  
rebirth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for something akin to suicidal ideation and (slightly) forced submerging in ocean.


	36. My back hurts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 2/5/2021. No additional warnings.

It is now  
a chore  
to go up and down the stairs.

When I want  
to turn over  
in bed  
I have to make a plan.

For a second  
it was nice  
to be taken care of  
but now  
I miss  
the independence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hurt my back :(


	37. hymn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 2/6/2021. Additional warnings in the endnotes.

Your name  
leaves my lips  
clawed,  
broken  
and I do not know  
if it is a prayer  
or a curse.

I kneel  
either in worship  
or  
in submission  
but either way  
my knees are bloody  
the floor  
cool against my aching forehead  
and I tremble  
with  
something. 

When you intrude upon  
my sleeping hours  
it is pleasure  
it is pain  
it is  
something.

Someday  
I will know  
if your heart beats  
with the same loving  
with the same loathing  
with the same tempo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestion of an unhealthy relationship.


	38. free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 2/7/2021. No additional warnings.

The crate set down  
with a heavy clunk  
the contents  
rumbling against each other  
crying out into the air.

A chair and table set up   
getting ready for the long haul  
and hoping passersby  
take interest  
in the wares.

Finally  
a sign  
proclaiming  
"FREE KITTENS"  
and as the day so progresses  
the intensive meowing  
grows quieter and quieter  
until there is one left.

A single black kitten  
one eye missing  
picked up gently  
resting in loving arms  
more than willing  
to take home the straggler  
for their own.


	39. one thousand and two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 2/8/2021. No additional warnings.

If I live by your side  
for one thousand and one years  
it will not be enough.


	40. rarity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 2/9/2021. No additional warnings.

What a strange thing to think  
that space, all around us  
is incredibly common  
and the Earth  
has an incredibly  
small chance  
of ever existing. 

What a strange thing  
that wood  
is rarer than diamonds.


	41. online assignments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 2/10/2021. No additional warnings.

Well  
it's 11:30 PM  
and the day  
is coming to an end.

I should check  
and make sure  
there were no  
assignments  
due today.

What.  
Is that.

An article?  
Three questions?  
In 25 minutes?

Well.  
Okay then.  
I guess  
I shouldn't have spent   
the past 30 minutes  
playing video games.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The past 25 minutes were incredibly stressful. Technically this is posted on 2/11/2021, as it's 12:04, but I'm being nice to myself.


	42. crickets chirping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 2/11/2021. No additional warnings.

A gentle glow  
slipping into dark  
the murmur of the forest  
as the stars  
light up the night.

No hush falls over for the land  
crickets chirping  
birds calling  
all kinds of creatures howling  
as the welcoming shadows  
give cover to us all.


	43. group activity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 2/12/2021. No additional warnings.

When the rain finally stops  
if it's okay with you  
I'd like to go to the park  
and sit in the gazebo  
and cry together.

I usually  
don't like crying  
but with you  
I think it would be alright.


	44. I love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 2/13/2021. No additional warnings.

Will you love me?

What kind of question is that?

An honest one.

Of course I will. I love you like the sea brushes the sand—relentlessly, and without any pause. I love you like the air filling my lungs—giving me life, letting me breathe. I love you like the stars love the day, as they are finally freed from shining and given a moment of peace. I love you as the world spins. I love you as the galaxy shifts. I love you.

I know, I know, I know. Sorry for asking again.

No, don't be. It's an honest question, and I'll answer it as many times as you need it. As many times as you need to hear it. I love you, I love you, I love you.

Thank you.

Of course. I love you, after all.


	45. Valentine's Day in 2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 2/14/2021. No additional warnings.

Two years ago today,   
in my little street  
a tree fell down  
and brought wires with it  
late in the afternoon.

Unknowing if they were electrified,  
we locked ourselves inside  
shoved cats indoors and blocked any flaps  
and waited for help  
to arrive.

By the next morning  
most of the strands had been pushed aside  
and by the time I got back from school  
everything was gone.

Funny how some days   
are remembered  
for nothing relating their holiday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More of a musing then a poem, as for most of the day I completely forgot it was Valentine's Day! But Google Photos reminded me of when a tree fell down in my street.


	46. Is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 2/15/2021. No additional warnings.

If the world was cruel, I would not be here with you, holding your hand now, touching you, loving you. If it was mean, I would have never met you, seen your face, or have myself held in your arms.  
If it was kind, I would have met you much sooner, when I was younger, full of hope, and not the pessimist I am now.   
The world is neither, my love.  
It simply is.


	47. attack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 2/16/2021. Additional warnings at the end.

raggedbreaths  
hurriedbreathing  
poundingchest  
achingbody

clenchingand  
unclenching hands  
eyes wide  
the feeling on air  
stuck to your skin

In through the mouth,  
out through the mouth.  
Count of four  
hold for seven  
out for eight.

Calm.  
Calm.  
We are not calm,  
but we are calming down.  
We are not okay,  
but we are getting better.  
Calm.

... Calm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This poem is more or less supposed to be the representation of going through a panic attack.


	48. May Rush Rot in Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 2/17/2021. No additional warnings.

Death is not always sad.   
Sometimes, when a person dies,  
it is a celebration of their long, long life  
where they loved others  
and were loved  
and even if it is sad  
it is also happy.

Sometimes, when a person dies,  
people rejoice,  
that they have finally left this earth  
and everyone they hurt  
and everyone they damaged  
no longer  
have to tolerate them.

I don't like to speak ill of the dead  
but that is fine  
since the rule does not apply  
when someone gladly laughs  
at the death of innocents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rush Limbaugh died today. May he rot in hell.


	49. When I Can Touch the Outside Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 2/18/2021. No additional warnings.

There are so many things  
I miss.  
The sound of laughter  
kids playing  
strangers, falling in love  
strangers, falling out of love  
sitting down  
in a park  
and feeling the wind on my face.

More than anything, though  
I miss  
stepping into a secondhand bookshop  
picking something off the shelves  
and getting lost  
for hours.

Many things  
are untranslatable   
to screen.


	50. Home Run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 2/19/2021. No additional warnings.

A hush falls over my mind  
as quietly  
carefully  
I get ready for the day.

She's done it!  
She's gotten out of bed!  
My God, she's already gotten dressed!  
And wow, she's even starting laundry!

It's a home run here, folks.  
We may not end the day well  
but we started with productivity.   
Who would've thought it.

Even if  
that's all I do for the whole day  
something  
is always  
always  
better than nothing.


	51. A Life Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 2/20/2021. No additional warnings.

Little thing  
I am so sorry  
that you got caught  
in the fluff.

I am so sorry  
that your legs  
got stuck together  
and I had to carefully  
remove any fuzz.

I am so sorry  
that I carried you downstairs  
and managed  
to open the door  
with no hands

but when I opened my palms  
to set you free  
you had passed away  
either by my own wrongdoing  
or simple misfortune.

Bug,  
I am sorry  
I did not see you sooner  
I did not help you earlier  
I did not save you from the fate  
of getting caught  
in the lint of a cat bed  
and dying  
albeit accidentally  
by human hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I happened to see a bug caught in the sides of my cat's bed. I managed to pull the fluff away from its legs (without hurting it?) But when I opened my hands to the outside world, it fell to the ground, dead. It is just a bug, but I am still a little bummed.


	52. Space, the Final Frontier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 2/21/2021. No additional warnings.

How wonderful how much we want to be seen, to be heard. We send so many messages out into space, begging for someone to talk to us. Hello, we're humanity! We love you. Where are you? This is where we are. This is how we say hello, in all of our languages. Please, come talk to to us. We hope you are safe. We hope you have eaten. God, we send robots name Opportunity and Perseverance up to where we cannot go, desperate for some sign of life, but also just hoping that we are not alone. Hoping that our little robots will tell us something about where we are and where we came from and where we're going. Hoping, hoping, hoping. Humanity is desperate, and it is feral, and it will lash out, even if not provoked, and it is also kind, and caring, and hoping, and hoping, and hoping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a Lot Of Thoughts And Feelings about how humanity loves robots and sends messages into space. Probably won't be the last time I do a poem like this.


	53. the world to humanity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 2/22/2021. No additional warnings.

What a strange  
decrepit and squalid  
little thing you are.  
I think I'll keep you.


	54. little bird

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 2/23/2021. No additional warnings.

If I am quiet enough,   
and if I am still enough,  
will you come to me  
and eat from my hand?

I promise  
I won't make a sound  
I won't move a muscle  
I won't even breathe.

Please.  
Come to me.  
You're so close  
and once you are near me  
I will be happy  
and you will be safe.


	55. a quarantine waltz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 2/24/2021. No additional warnings.

I walk down the street. I am wearing a jacket too thick to feel the wind on my body, but it touches the sides of my head. A mask reflects my own breath back on my face, keeping me warm. Usually, this main street would be busy. Cars would be bustling towards places, people out and about, shopping and enjoying life. There's cars, but only two other people, a mother and her child. We wave at each other, because we cannot smile, and give each other a wide berth as we pass.

I come to a tree, planted on the sidewalk to liven up the space outside this cafe. The cafe has been closed for six months. I wonder if it will ever open again. I rest my hand on the tree. Technically, I should not be doing this. This tree is contaminated with the touch of many others. Who knows what rests on its bark. I wonder if anyone else has touched this tree in the past six months. I wonder if it likes the silence, or if it misses the people, the children, the sounds of constant living. What other hands have rested on its skin? Who else has felt its coarse coat?

My hand returns to my side, and I continue on my way. I do not see another person outside until I get home again. I take off my mask and coat. I miss the cold wind on my face.


	56. breathe again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 2/25/2021. No additional warnings.

I breathe  
and I am not at peace  
and I am not calm  
and I am not okay  
but I am getting  
better.

So I breathe  
again  
and again  
and  
again.


	57. jellyfish skeleton

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 2/26/2021. No additional warnings.

i do not exist  
i have never been  
nor will i ever be  
i simply  
float  
in the nothing  
in the waves  
in the silence.


	58. Closer...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 2/27/2021. No additional warnings, though this poem is intentionally misleading in a way that suggests possible violence.

What.  
Are you doing.  
Stop.  
Don't come any closer.  
Please.

God, that tickles!


	59. statue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 2/28/2021. No additional warnings, though generally sad vibes.

It was a sort of   
fleeting pain  
that filled my limbs  
and held down my tongue.

A wilting pride  
so carefully cultivated  
dead  
in seconds.

So I will stand  
a statue  
quiet  
still.

And not  
speak a word  
as you bring me  
to ruin.


	60. Depression Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 3/1/2021. Not really a warning, but depression is made light of in like, a fun way.

You put your bathrobe on  
You take yourself outside  
You put a smile on  
And pretend that you're okay   
You do a little dance  
And the world's turned upside down  
That's what it's all about!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To the tune of Hokey Pokey, of course.


	61. love is work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 3/2/2021. No additional warnings.

It may not  
be an easy thing  
to love you  
but I do  
it nonetheless  
and I do it  
with joy.

Everyone  
is hard   
to love  
and I  
am no  
exception.


	62. compare and constrast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 3/3/2021. No additional warnings.

Which is worse  
to have to repair  
something truly  
broken  
or to take something  
still barely working  
and put it out  
of its misery?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My laptop speakers work fine, but when I plug in earbuds or headphones, only the left side works.


	63. the sun is good too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 3/4/2021. No additional warnings.

It is a cloudy  
gray  
sort of day  
but that is okay  
because I like the clouds  
and I like the gray  
but still  
I hear  
your footsteps  
and I turn  
and suddenly  
the sun is shining.


	64. It's Such a Beautiful Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 3/4/2021. Additional warnings in the end notes.

The sun is shining brightly. I tilt my head up to meet the rays. I close my eyes. It's nice.

This path in the woods is lush and green. Ferns peek out from every side, moss rumbling a hello from every tree. It is nice to be somewhere so beautiful. It is nice to be somewhere.

It winds familiarly along, just like it always has. A loop, something that will bring you back to where you began, but that is a comfort, not a curse. Birds sing sweetly, and I cannot join in, as I never learned how to whistle, but I hum a tune all the same.

I put my hand in my jacket pocket. There is something there. It is a note. It is in my handwriting, but I do not... remember...

I have forgotten again. I can't, I can't, I must go back. I must hurry, before I forget. Running, but no so fast I'll fall. No more time to appreciate the forest.

Please, God, don't let me forget again. Please. I need to get back to them. I need to go home. Please, let me remember—

Standing at the edge of the forest, I blink. The town is spread out below, a curving hill gently beckoning for a roll down. Perhaps another time. I must have come here to go on a walk.

I turn, entering the forest for the first time in what feels like weeks. It's so nice to be among greenery again.

The sun is shining brightly. I tilt my head up to meet the rays. I close my eyes. It's nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The character is stuck in a sort of memory loop. They cannot remember what they're supposed to be doing (and quite possibly who they are) and are more or less trapped in a forest. If you can get triggered by serious memory issues and a slight sort-of unreality feeling, might want to skip this one.
> 
> Heavily inspired by the film "It's Such a Beautiful Day," which, spoilers, has a similar scene. Haven't seen it in ages, but I remember it being very good.


	65. Trust Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 3/6/2021. No additional warnings.

You close your eyes  
and it's  
hard but you  
lean back and  
fall  
and  
arms are there  
to catch you.

They catch you when   
you are  
a child  
a teen  
an in-between  
an adult  
but now...

The arms  
are gone  
and instead  
you  
are the one  
doing  
the catching.


	66. touch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 3/7 /2021. No additional warnings, though a bit suggestive.

my nose in your neck  
and  
your hand on my cheek  
and  
your fingers in my hair  
and  
your palm on my back  
and  
your leg against mine  
and  
your body pressed against me  
and  
a lump in my throat  
and  
feeling your smile on my face  
and  
my heart in your hands  
and  
your love in your touch  
and  
my love in my own.


	67. blind leading the blind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 3/8 /2021. No additional warnings.

It hurts  
sometimes  
to look at your face  
and see  
that you no longer care  
but  
in some ways  
it is a relief  
I am free from your guidance.


	68. The Face of God

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on 3/9/2021. No additional warnings, though this poem is kind of "religious."

A preacher once asked  
if I had ever prayed  
and I said yes  
and said your name.

A preacher once asked  
if I had ever worshipped   
and I said yes  
and said your name.

A preacher once asked  
if I had ever seen  
the face of God  
and I said yes  
and that it was one  
full of love and joy and kindness  
and I see it every day  
and it's the last thing I see  
every night before I close my eyes  
and the first thing  
every morning when I wake up.

A preacher once rolled their eyes  
and shoved me in the shoulder  
and said that the flatter  
wasn't necessary.


End file.
